Free Funny Songs

Grope Me Gently, Airport Security Guard

Artist: Larry Weaver
CD: Unreleased
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(spoken) This song goes out to all the lonely people... Has it been a while since you felt the warm touch of another body? Well, here's what I want you to do. Just dress up in your best necklaces and rings. Put on that studded belt. Stick a corkscrew inside your pants pocket, then head for the nearest airport security checkpoint...

Grope me gently, airport security guard
     Run your firm hands along my thigh
Remove my shoes and softly stroke my feet
     You're the only reason that I fly

Rummage through my dirty underwear
     Touch my toothbrush with those same hands
Ball my dry-cleaned shirts into a wad
     Then take a closer look inside my pants

Better check deep down in the pockets
     I'm hiding a small tool there, don't you know
It's right on top of that little bag of nuts
     But handle it gently or it may explode

Detain me and search me. Make your country proud.
     I changed my name to Mohammed,
          so you would pick me out of the crowd!

Grope me gently, airport security guard
     Run your firm hands along my thigh
Brush your big wand across my butt cheeks
     You're the only reason that I fly

I love to fly... and it shows!

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