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Thursday, November 29, 2007

How to Break into Pro Wrestling

To break into professional wrestling, you need to network with industry insiders, gain a solid knowledge of backstage politics, hope for a little luck, and grow an incredibly thick skin. Here's my story...

Make Friends in the Business

My first "insider" contact in professional wrestling was the Rev. Billy C. Wirtz. I had watched the flamboyant 6'4" manger on Championship Wrestling from Florida during my sophomore year at UNC. It turns out that he lived in Raleigh, NC and was a professional touring comedian/musician. I met him after a show at the Skylight Exchange in Chapel Hill, and he couldn't have been nicer. He turned me on to the insider wrestling newsletter, The Wrestling Observer by Dave Meltzer.

The Observer pretty much taught me everything I needed to know about the professional wrestling business. Through my research, I learned about an upcoming South Atlantic Pro Wrestling (SAPW) show promoted by Greg Price. SAPW was the remnants of a promotion started by George Scott, John Ringley and Mike Lamberth called NAWA. The trio hoped to recapture the glory years of Mid-Atlantic Pro Wrestling. "Number 1" Paul Jones and Frank Dusek eventually took over and rechristened the promotion SAPW. I attended the Denton, NC card in January of 1992, met Greg, and asked if I could mail him some ideas for wrestling storylines.

I went back home and typed up a very detailed storyline involving a face turn by The Russian Bear Ivan Koloff. The Berlin wall had just fallen, and it seemed like a good time to freshen up Uncle Ivan's character. Ivan would bring out a handwritten letter from his mother imploring him to end his hatred of Americans, and to embrace the very country that had brought him so much success. Of course, the entire angle was just a ruse to set up Ivan and his nephew as "The Hardliners" - the last of a dying breed of communist sympathizers.

As luck would have it, SAPW just lost its booker - the volatile Ragin Bull Manny Fernandez. Greg liked my ideas and asked me to write for the TV shows. Just like that, I was the booker for a nationally-broadcast wrestling promotion at the age of 21.

Learn from the Past While Looking Forward

Greg let me decide who wrestled and why. The television show was beyond stale, and I implemented a lot of changes - many of which were not well-received. They included:

  • Having Chief Wahoo McDaniel lose a retirement match where he could no longer wrestle on television. The Chief was getting old and his matches were a TV snore-fest. But he was still a good ticket seller and recognizable name. My idea was that he could still appear on TV, but people would have to attend the house shows to see the Chief exact his revenge.
  • Having our champion, The German Stormtrooper Helmut Hesler, win matches cleanly. I borrowed a lot of ideas from All Japan Pro Wrestling, and this one did not go well with the boys. I wanted the heels to win their matches cleanly, and only cheat on occasion. To me, building up a strong champion made it more impactful when he eventually lost. By the way, the long-term plan was for the belt to eventually go to a young Rob Van Dam.
  • Incorporating "shoot" (real) segments into the program. On one occasion, I had wrestler Roughouse Graham interrupt an interview with RVD and Bob Caudle saying he was sick of how he was being treated in SAPW. He dropped some insider names and walked off the set as we cut to black. This was not an "Internet" angle designed to cater to hardcore fans (we had neither the Internet nor hardcore fans). This was simply a way to break up the monotony of a one-hour wrestling show and hopefully get fans talking. It did just that.
  • Having "jobbers" (the guys who always lose) win matches. We had some pretty good job guys, and again the idea was to create an "anything can happen" television show.

I also did other "controversial" things at the time including babyface vs. babyface matches with lighter-weight wrestlers to let the workers showcase their abilities outside the confines of a traditional good guy vs. bad guy context. Many of my ideas eventually came to light in ECW and WWE.

In fact, the famous RVD vs. Sabu "respect" series in ECW was exactly like a very detailed storyline I had written for RVD in SAPW that never aired. Coincidence? Probably. I also wrote a very detailed character sketch for "The Drifter" to be portrayed by Bryan Clark (Nightstalker, Adam Bomb, Kronik). He was to be a mysterious tweener (neither a good guy nor a bad guy) designed to appeal to disenfranchised youth. Similarities to this character were later popularized by Raven, and to a lesser extent, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Perhaps the biggest change I brought to SAPW was actually writing out scripts for the shows. I'm not sure if I was the first wrestling script writer in the business, but no one there had ever seen or heard of one. It just hadn't been done before. To protect me from the boys (they did not like the idea of written scripts), Greg posted the scripts on the walls and claimed ownership.

Sample Wrestling Script:

Sample wrestling script - click to enlarge

Alas, my proposed Rob Van Dam vs. Vince Torelli (aka "The World's Most Dangerous Man" Ken Shamrock) feud never took place.

After eight glorious television shows, SAPW was on its last leg and Greg was ready to jump ship. He lined up an investor in Augusta, GA to start a new promotion and talked me into going along. Believe it or not, I dropped out of the prestigious Masters of Accounting program at UNC to move to Augusta to produce a new wrestling show. I was offered $25,000 a year and carte blanche to mold the show as I saw fit. How could I say no?

Know When to Walk Away

Things in Augusta never quite panned out like they were supposed to. I was getting paid, but it didn't take long to see that the money for the TV show and training facility wasn't coming. With the writing on the wall, I gave notice to Greg and returned to Chapel Hill to pursue a career in comedy.

I grew up a lot in a very short amount of time. I made a life-long friend in future WWE champ Rob Van Dam. I have a lot of good stories that involve Rob, and they certainly deserve their own post later on. I also have fond memories of watching movies the likes of which I had never seen before (or since) with "Father" James Mitchell, dodging strange overtures from the Iron Sheik, dining with Junkyard Dog, and acting as a very unlikely bodyguard for Bambi at seedy (and that's putting it nicely) autograph signings.

I also witnessed a lot of things that aren't suitable for print in this forum, including a few felonies.

I walked away from the business, only returning sporadically to ring announce a special show, appear as a pro wrestling manager, or get assaulted by the Hardy Boys. I also spent some time in ECW, where I shared stories with Chris Jericho, rode through South Philly in the Insane Clown Posse's hoopty, and picked up Terry Funk in Sabu's Winnebago.

I later conceptualized and self-published the critically-acclaimed book Tributes: Remembering Some of the World's Greatest Wrestlers along with the help of Dave Meltzer and Ted Hobgood, before later selling the rights for the book to another publishing company.

At the height of wrestling's popularity in the mid-90's, I had the possibility of working alongside Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara as a WWE script writer. I declined even going to Stamford for an meeting. My dream of working in pro wrestling had long since passed.

Like many old-time fans, my love of wrestling was irreparably broken when WCW died. Vince McMahon's current WWE is a far cry from the believable style popularized in the Carolinas by Blackjack Mulligan, Ric Flair, Ricky Steamboat, and countless others.

Once in a while, I'll run across an old YouTube clip that reminds me of my former love and rekindles my memories in pro wrestling.

I have no Masters degree, but I have no regrets.

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Target Commercial Song - Music and Artist from Latest Commercial

Have you seen the latest Target commercial on TV? The 2-day sale commercial looks like a Flash-based video game (it is), and features a soundtrack from what sounds like a girls cheerleading team. You can take a look at it here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FZf7TjGbaHA

The song is by without a doubt my favorite new band to emerge over the past several years - The Go! Team. The song is called "We Just Won't Be Defeated" and is off their 2004 debut album "Thunder, Lightning, Strike". I don't believe there is an official video for the song, but you can enjoy this live concert version:



The Go! Team are an English, Brighton-based six piece band (with two drummers) whose songs are a mixture of action theme songs, cheerleader chants, guitars and early hip hop, with a hint of '70s funk. They are awesome.

The Go! Team more than deserve their own post, so I'll compose a more detailed writeup later. For now, enjoy a Target commercial actually worth watching instead of skipping through. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Get the CD: Thunder, Lightning, Strike


Related searches: target commercial song, target commercial music, song from target commercial, target song

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Friday, November 16, 2007

UFC 78 Predictions: Evans vs. Bisping

Who do the top journalists in MMA think will win this weekend's UFC matchups? Pride is on the line as the top MMA sites vie for prediction supremacy. See which expert comes out on top this time around:

UFC 78: Validation
Live from Newark - Saturday, November 17, 2007

Michael Bisping (+215) vs. Rashad Evans (-275)
MMA Weekly: Evans by decision
MMA Junkie: Evans by 2nd round TKO
Sherdog: Evans by decision
WINNER: Evans by decision

Houston Alexander (-155) vs. Thiago Silva (+125)
MMA Weekly: Silva by 2nd round submission
MMA Junkie: Alexander by 1st round TKO
Sherdog: Alexander by 1st round TKO
WINNER: Silva by 1st round TKO

Joe Doerksen (+120) vs. Ed Herman (-150)
MMA Weekly: Doerksen by 3rd round submission
MMA Junkie: Doerksen by submission
Sherdog: Doerksen by 3rd round submission
WINNER: Herman by 3rd round TKO

Ryo Chonan (+275) vs. Karo Parisyan (-345)
MMA Weekly: Parisyan by decision
MMA Junkie: Parisyan by 2nd round TKO
Sherdog: Parisyan by decision
WINNER: Parisyan by decision

Frankie Edgar (-135) vs. Spencer Fisher (+105)
MMA Weekly: Edgar by decision
MMA Junkie: Fisher
Sherdog: Edgar by 2nd round TKO
WINNER: Edgar by decision

Chris Lytle (+150) vs. Thiago Alves (-180)
MMA Weekly: Alves by decision
MMA Junkie: Alves by decision
Sherdog: Alves by 3rd round TKO
WINNER: Alves by doctor stoppage

Jason Reinhardt (+300) vs. Joe Lauzon (-600)
MMA Weekly: Lauzon by 1st round TKO
MMA Junkie: Reinhardt by 1st round submission
Sherdog: Lauzon
WINNER: Lauzon by 1st round submission

Luke Caudillo (+350) vs. Marcus Aurelio (-450)
MMA Weekly: Aurelio by 1st round submission
MMA Junkie: Aurelio by 2nd round submission
Sherdog: Aurelio by 1st round submission
WINNER: Aurelio by 1st round TKO

Akihiro Gono (-260) vs. Tamdan McCrory (+200)
MMA Weekly: Gono by decision
MMA Junkie: Gono by decision
Sherdog: Gono by 1st round TKO
WINNER: Gono by 2nd round submission

Post-fight Predictions Scorecard
MMA Weekly: 8-1 WINNER
Sherdog: 7-2
MMA Junkie: 5-4

Congratulations to MMA Weekly's Ricardo Mendoza for posting a near-perfect 8-1 prediction scorecard. Bonus points for being the lone site to pick Thiago Silva to upset Houston Alexander. Great job, MMA Weekly!

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Friday, November 9, 2007

Dell XPS M1330: Crashing, Freezing, Unstable, Buggy, Tech Support Nightmare

Summary: I purchased a top-of-the-line Dell XPS M1330 with Windows Vista Ultimate and all of the best options available including 3-year support. Within the first 30 days the system’s performance has degenerated to nearly unusable, and Dell’s promised “Premium Support” has been a bad joke.

Windows Reliability and Performance Monitor illustrates my laptop’s quick descent into Hell:

Dell XPS M1330 reliability

I will try to refrain from commentary, and just present the facts. I have only used the laptop for checking POP3 (Earthlink) email and composing MS Office documents (Excel and Word). I’ve installed two programs since purchase, both listed below:

9/26
Ordered Dell XPS M1330 with Windows Vista Ultimate as a birthday present for myself.

9/29
Laptop ships from Dell.

10/2
Laptop arrives and I boot it up for the first time.

10/12
I install iTunes (with Quicktime). No problems.

10/15
I install LoJack for laptops. No problems.

10/17
Outlook crashes for the first time.

10/20
Windows has a fatal error and crashes for the first time.

10/31
Windows starts displaying winrnr.dll popup error at startup and intermittently during use. They are caused by the pre-installed Dell Support software running constantly in the background.

11/1
Internet research reveals many others with windrnr.dll error. No solution found. I try reverting back to an earlier, error-free System Restore point. After that failed to stop the errors, I send an email to Dell Support.

11/2
30 Days after booting up my laptop, Outlook is crashing daily and I get constant popup winrnr.dll errors The system is nearly unusable.

Dell Support sent curt email telling me to run a "System Repair".

I call Dell Support and they tell me that this issue is not covered, then try to sell me a per-incident software help plan.

I calm down and call Dell Support again. This time the representative tells me the issue is covered and spends an hour looking around my desktop remotely. Finally they give up and tell me to call Microsoft.

I call Microsoft and they tell me that Dell should cover this issue since Windows Vista came pre-installed.

I emailed my Case manager from phone call #2 about my conversation with Microsoft, and someone else replies back that this issue is not covered, and they try to sell me a per-incident software help plan.

11/7
Reluctantly, I elect to try and run Windows System Repair. I get an error message that does not allow me to continue. I email Dell Support with one last impassioned plea for help. Dell responds saying to revert my system back to the Factory Settings. I will lose all of my data and restore my system to its original shipped state.

What to do now?
I’m extremely hesitant to revert my machine back to its original “pristine” condition. Not only will I lose all of my settings, but there is no guarantee I won’t just relive this situation all over again. I mean, I was getting errors right out of the box.

The culprits for most of the errors seem to be Google Desktop (pre-installed software), Google Toolbar (pre-installed software), and Dell Support (pre-installed software). Even though all of this software came pre-installed and I purchased every Dell Support planned purchased, Dell is unable or unwilling to help. Dell says Microsoft is to blame. Microsoft says Dell is to blame. The consumer gets screwed. It’s win-win for everyone!

Got a similar story to tell? Post it in the comments section.

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Thursday, November 8, 2007

Funny Certificates - Printable Funny Award Certificates

Funny AwardsI'm pleased to announce that my new book, Funny Employee Awards: Your Complete Guide to Organizing a Humorous, Entertaining and Rewarding Recognition Ceremony, is now on sale!

Just in time for the office holiday party season, this PDF book includes everything you need to know to organize an entertaining and rewarding employee recognition ceremony. You'll get 75 hilarous award certificates that are appropriate for everyone around the office, no matter the employee or the type of business.

The PDF includes 75 printable award certificates with various designs packaged in a downloadable PDF file that works on a PC or Mac. You can add what you need — by typing on your word processing application, e.g. Microsoft Word, or by handwriting — to make the certificate or handout work for you. Print as many as you like on the paper of your choice. Designs are set to work on standard 8.5” x 11” paper. It’s simple and easy to do.

Bonus Templates!
As a bonus, you'll get 5 blank certificate awards templates for creating your own custom funny awards. Download a free sample preview from
www.FunnyEmployeeAwards.com

I'd like to thank my long-time friend Reed Tucker from the New York Post for his invaluable contributions. Without him, this book would still be just an idea floating around in my head. Also thanks to my long-time writing partner Bryan Tucker from Saturday Night Live for his input, and long-time graphic designer partner Ted Hobgood for his design work.

I've already sold copies of the book to people in the United States, Canada, Australia, The United Kingdom, and South Africa. Everyone around the World loves funny office awards!

If you have any questions about the book, post them in the comments section below or drop me an email.

Buy it Today!
Purchase the book securely online at www.FunnyEmployeeAwards.com

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Thursday, November 1, 2007

winrnr.dll is either not designed to run on Windows or it contains an error

Before I even got a chance to post about how much I love my new Dell XPS M1330 laptop with Windows Vista Ultimate, I get my first Windows error:



C:\Windows\System32\winrnr.dll is either not designed to run on Windows or it contains an error. Try installing the program again using the original installation media or contact your system administrator or the software vendor for support.

I have found similar error stories from others on the Net, and the stories were all the same: "Everything was working fine... Then I started getting this error message for no reason." Same here. Before the error, I hadn't installed any new programs in nine days. In fact, the only programs I have installed since getting the laptop a few weeks ago are iTunes, Quicktime, Lojack for Laptops, and an update to Windows Media Direct. I checked the registry and nothing had been changed. I just started up Windows and got the error message.

I tried doing a System Restore to an earlier, more error-free time, but no luck. I got the error message immediately upon reboot. And it isn't always in reference to "sprtcmd.exe" - sometimes it's referencing "Google Desktop.exe".

I can get it to go away if I hit "OK" for a while, but it always comes back.

So who among you will save us? Will I be forced to call Dell tech support? Or will someone out there - yes you, perhaps - deliver us from this evil error message?

I await your comments...

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